Keep It Together Care

How to use this guide

How Do I Tell the Children?

This guide helps you talk with children and young people about serious illness in the family: where to start, words for different ages, difficult questions, what to do if someone dies, and a planner for each child. It isn't medical, psychological or safeguarding advice, and it doesn't tell you what you must say.

Get the free guide

On a phone, tablet or computer

Fill it in by typing

  1. Download the PDF from your email or from the download page.
  2. Open it in a PDF app that supports forms, such as Adobe Acrobat Reader (free on computers, phones and tablets).
  3. Tap a box and type. Tick boxes tick with one tap.
  4. Save the file. Your answers stay in your copy; nothing is sent to Keep It Together Care.

On paper

Print it and write by hand

  1. Print it on A4. The planner and the record have room for handwriting.
  2. Use one planner page for each child.
  3. Keep it somewhere private. Nobody else needs to see it.

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Common questions

Where do I start?
With "Where to start, tonight". You don't need perfect words. This will be a series of conversations, not one you have to get right tonight.
Do I need to fill in the planner?
Only if it helps. Fill in only the parts you can, one page per child.
What if I'm worried about how a child is coping?
Talk to your GP, the child's school or one of the organisations in "Where to get extra help". If a child's life is at risk, call 999.
I typed into it, but my answers had gone when I opened it again. Why?
Some previews, such as a browser tab or an email preview, can't save answers in a form. Download the PDF first, open it in a PDF app that supports forms, such as Adobe Acrobat Reader, then save.
Is anything I write sent anywhere?
No. The PDF doesn't send your answers to Keep It Together Care or to anyone else. They stay in the file on your device, or on your paper copy.

What’s inside

  • Where to start, tonight
  • Before you talk
  • Different ages, different conversations
  • Difficult questions children may ask
  • When the future is uncertain
  • Explaining what they will see
  • When the illness is very serious
  • If the person dies: telling the children
  • The days and months after
  • What if I get upset?
  • Keeping the conversation open
  • Every family is different
  • Teenagers and young adults
  • When children worry about their own health, and looking after you
  • School, nursery, college and other trusted adults
  • Conversation planner
  • What we've told each child, and when
  • Where to get extra help

Practical organisation, not medical advice. Your own care team’s advice always comes first. See all free help